Res

The best place to start, so I've heard, is in the very middle of things...

Therefore, its best not to even begin at all.

Taking Back Monday

So today, I got word of a few very interesting things. Apparently, I managed to convince 12 new freshmen to join the Hispanic Business Society... or at least to look into it. Which in itself is a good thing considering I have no idea how I convinced them or even if I have talked to them... but that's another matter entirely. I guess what I'm most pleased about is my grade in both Philosophy and Communications.

Now... to find my binder somewhere.

Vegan?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/321038.stm

Don't hurt the baby cows!!!!!

Broken teacups

Last night, as I was supposed to be studying for my math midterm, I decided that I should pay my friend Sevan a visit in the HBS E-Board Meeting room. As the tea began to boil, I realized that my favorite teacup had a rather nasty crack in the middle. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be of much concern, but this teacup was part of a set that was given to me by my ex.

The past is something that I have not as of yet managed to shrug off. I realized that as I talked with Sevan about my life... about my high school experiences, and most especially, about our own encounters with grief. Though we both agree that rationally, the most enduring loss is death, we also realized that each of us is still hurt about past relationships.

I guess that its just pain that everyone goes through eventually. I just wish that I knew how to rid myself of it.

What We Teach...

http://www.venganza.org/


If this is not the funniest thing I've seen in weeks...

An Unopened Letter to Myself

In view of recent events, I know that I have humiliated myself beyond the natural recognition of what one would consider 'proper behavior'. Never in my life have I been been so thoroughly embarassed, never have I been so ashamed of my actions... and my intentions. I have lost the one person I have counted on for the past two years... but now, I have accepted the fact. I know that I can move on, and G- willing, I can perhaps someday be happy again.

I had what I would consider my most meaningful relationship thwarted by my own lack of
understanding of others needs. This was in no way this person's fault... she merely lacked the same feelings for me as I had for her. Some people are simply not meant to be... and not all love is returned in kind. I have learnt to accept that. I will no longer beg for something that I cannot have... nor will I ask for her to try when all that will happen is that I will end up even more hurt
than I am now.

For now, I please ask everyone to give me time. To be blunt, I do not need a relationship, nor do I want one. I am in a state of transition... I realize that my feelings for this one person were the purest feelings I could ever feel... and yet, they were not appreciated. Ergo, I have to move on. Maybe one day, when things are different, I will be able to find myself involved in other meaningful relationships... but not any time soon. All I really want are friends... I can offer friendship, but nothing more than that.

I am terribly sorry to the people I have hurt as a result of this...

Dinner With The Irish...

Me: Mike, you look like hell... what happened?

Michael: I have no idea... we went out right?

Me: Duh, but you skipped out to go with Genny

Michael: Genny?

Me: The waitress...

Michael: Dude, I don't even remember dinner much less the waitress.

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A Homecoming

I've been hurt... again. While there is life, there is still hope... therefore, I still have hope. Of what, only time will tell... but I have learnt now that to trust blindly is madness... regardless of who it is you place your confidence in.

Marking Grass Stains...

After much discussion with my primary soccer club, I have decided that I will be taking a year at least to hone my skills. That is to say, I will be playing one last season in AYSO soccer.

It has been about 5 years since I last played for the organization, but the commissioner from my old region surprisingly hand wrote a 4 page letter to my parents asking them to reconsider his previous proposal (that I play this season with his all-star team). As it is, I do owe this man an enormous debt of gratitude as he personally wrote the recomendation letter that allowed me to play for the Man United youth academy all those seasons ago.

So... for one last time, I will be donning my old number (12) for region 514, Central Los Angeles.

Library Buddies

Today I had the most fun in days...

Despite everything else going on at home, going today with her helped me get my mind off things... and as much as she thinks that my intended purpose in life is merely to tease her, its fun making her laugh at my silly (and sometimes quite idiotic) behavior. Talking about our future plans really helped put things in perspective for me; I now have a clear idea of what is really attainable. It's funny how merely a month ago, I thought my life was pretty planned out; now I even have aspirations of getting more involved in certain corporation in a management level of some sort... but more on that later when the ideas are more concrete.

Anyways, first league game this Sunday... we'll see how things go.

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Coffee, Coffee, Coffee!

You know the saying 'You never really know what you had until its actually gone'?



Today, I realized how much I've taken for granted. For instance, as I drove my younger brother to school, we were talking about a great many things; amongst them came our aspirations. Though he is only 12 years old, I already see him as wise beyond his years. He talked about his fears of failure, his hopes for greatness... as he continued to speak, I became more and more amazed at how similar we both are. I spoke to him about peer pressure; how he shouldn't fall for small temptations like drugs, alcohol, or girls... that he should instead devote himself in his entirety to himself.

I don't mean to sound like a parent, but even at a my own (relative to others) young age, I have seen how people become affected by all of this. Perhaps my greatest fear is that one of my own will one day end up on the front page news as another fatal car crash, a casualty of drunkenness or intoxication. Especially since when I see him with such a bright future ahead of him.

The thing that I have valued most about my relationship with my own brother is that despite our own differences, we have never suffered from the awful sibling rivalry that some families experience. Yes, we have had our feuds, but nothing so serious as to prevent us from wishing the other well. There has really been no jealousy between us... and with such in mind, I freely talk about my own accomplishments and performances so that he can put forth his own criticism. As a result, I feel that he does indeed make me a better person.

The midget of the trio, my sister, is as of yet much too young to understand such thoughts. However, I know that one day I will have the pleasure of having the same relationship with her.

Snowfall...

Pain is one of the only things that sometimes helps motivate a man
The fear of losing what is most dear to us... what is most precious
However, is life meant to be solely based on the fear of losing things?
Of the journey between life and death, fulfillment and comsumation of holy sacraments?
Nay, it is meant to be something entirely diferent
Whomever said that the journey is more important than the end result was a either an idiot or a blasphemous liar

For the greater good... anything is fair game

Encouragement? I Doubt It...

How does one realize that a dream is impossible? How does one learn to realize when its time to quit? How does one realize when its better just to give up?

The philosophy that I have lived by for the majority of my life has always revolved around the fact that everything has a reason… that nothing is without purpose. And though this does indeed include the reasoning that horrible things do happen even to those with the best intentions in mind, its still a terrible blow when an old hope is brought to light only to be shot down once again.

To dream of something, to strive for something… while it seems noble to do so without expectation of having a reward is highly unlikely to happen for an ordinary human… after all, are we not of flesh and blood? Do we not all carry our own desires, our own hopes, our own aspirations? However, to expect very little is probably the best course of action since it is an undisputable fact that the world is a very cruel place for both dreamers and idealists alike… no matter how much a person may try, one cannot save the world by themselves.

So I guess the answer to my original question of how to realize when it is time to give up is... never. The world is unkind, true. Not everything goes our way... also true. But if there is something that you truly believe in, truly want... then you should fight for it with every bit of your being. However, there is always the fact that a fight does not have to be faced alone...

Belated Summer Cleaning

I have come to realize that there are many distractions in my life. Of course, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but too many distractions can get... cumbersome to say the least. There is no way to balance the ghosts of the past, the expectations of the present, and the goals of the future all in a single lifetime. We're only human and capable of understanding only so much. However, we do have free will.Instead of trying to do everything at once, I am now going to make a concious effort to enjoy the smaller things in life. That which is immediately obtainable, but without losing sight of my main goals. School starts in a little over a month... that gives me just enough time to think things through and really consider what actually requires my attention. To distinguish this from the ordinary 'junk' that keeps popping in and out of our everyday lives is an extraordinary ability indeed. It is now time to focus.

Nothing Gold Can Stay...

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-Robert Frost

Information Please...

An evening on the phone... First let me say that I cannot take credit for the plot to the following story. It is an old story, passed down by my friend's father Paul who passed away a year ago with luekemia. But what it stands for and what it means is true no matter how old we get....
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When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighbourhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother used to talk to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person - her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. "Information Please" could supply anybody's number and the correct time.
My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbour. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be any reason in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.
The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlour and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlour and held it to my ear. "Information Please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information."
"I hurt my finger. . ." I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. "Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me." I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?"
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before would eat fruits and nuts. Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary died. I called "Information Please" and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was un-consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone. "Information Please."
"Information," said the now familiar voice.
"How do you spell 'fix'?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home, and somehow never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about half an hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then, without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information, Please." Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well, "Information." I hadn't planned this but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell 'fix'?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed. "So it's really still you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time." "I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do, she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered "Information." I asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" she asked. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this", she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Is your name Paul?"
"Yes."
"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note says, 'Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean.'"
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never underestimate the impression you may make on others. On that note I would like to ask you to remember how much difference one person can make in someone's life.

The More I Think About It...

I think if life gives you lemons and you make lemonade you should find someone whose life has given them Vodka so you can have a party.

I think if you are on trial for robbery you should stand up in court as often as possible and yell, "Hey, its not like I killed anyone."

I think that Mickey Mouse is gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that...no, of course not... only when toddlers are involved...)

I think people should have to pass some sort of test to breed.

I think O.J. did it for the rush.

I think the next time I go to the 99 cent store I am going to pay using only pennies.

I think some people overthink thinking and that's just wrong.

I think that people should use the following phrase as often as possible, "That's craptacular."
For example is someone asks you what you think of their new baby you can say "That's one craptacular baby."

Finally, I think if you work at a restaurant it wouldn't be a good idea to call in sick to work and then go eat lunch there.

That would be rather stupid...

My Faith...

Nowadays, its really hard to grow up in a household following an organized religion. As a young kid, I grew up thinking that the only way to go to heaven was to spend hours on end reading the bible, giving all your worldly possessions away, and going to church every Sunday. I mean, literally, if you missed a SINGLE Sunday mass, you were going straight to hell. It is so hard to get a good view of religion unless you look at it from a comparative point of view. Most religions are too worried about attracting the most believers or imposing their will upon their respective congregations to really care how or why the mortal human chooses to live in sin. For example, at the end of a typical day I would look at a girl and feel dirty because I find her attractive. According to my religion, it's wrong to look at a woman, wrong to touch a woman, yet, somehow we must get married and procreate irresponsibly because every sperm is sacred. Folks, this is not the point of religion.

As I grow up, people tell me that I WILL, no ands, ifs or buts that I will go to hell if I don't start attending THEIR specific church. That they are the only branch of Christianity (or any other religion) that tells it like it is, and all others are simply wrong and bound to spend eternity of damnation. They all preach morality and obedience. Meanwhile these people tell you to follow their views, or they will kill you.

This brings me to one thought if the point of religion is to guide one to live a virtuous, purposeful, and meaningful life, then arent all religions just as equal in the eyes of God? So why do we continue to fight over whose denomination is the most right? Killing others in God's name is wrong. Christians fighting and killing other Christians over whose is the right religion is wrong.

Religion is not just sitting in a building praying. While granted, yes, that is technically part of it, there's more to it. You can't attend church on Sunday, treat people like shit Monday through Saturday, and expect to be a saved soul. Religion is living a good life, and avoiding problems by being the best person you can. It doesnt really matter if a person chooses not to eat meat on Friday, if another chooses to fast during Passover, or if one chooses not to work on Sunday. We are all equal in the eyes of God. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can come to grip with the reality that no one is any better than anyone else.

If an angel told you right now This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more, would you curse it or be thankful? If you could happily live an eternity contently in the life you lead, then you have done more than any religion could ever do. You have found meaning and purpose to a world that by nature is irrational and inconstant.

Tell Me... What Is Wrong With Us?

Why do we sleep in church but when when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up? Why is it so hard to talk about God but so easy to talk about sex? Why are we so bored to look at a christian magazine..but so easy to read a playboy magazine? Why is it so easy to ignore a godly myspace message...yet we repost the nasty ones? Why are churches getting smaller...but bars and clubs are growing??....think about it... we disregard human life in favor of profit. We declare war on countries for oil, water our greed with the blood of innocents. Have we lost all sanity? Or have we never had it to begin with?